I'm missing this girl a whole lot today. Things have been crazy, a roller coaster, a ride I wish I wasn't on, and it's almost been a month.. I'll post more soon, I have thoughts to share and stories to tell.. but for now, I wanted to share this.
I talk to God multiple times a day... I recently discovered that keeping an open dialogue with the big man upstairs is the best way to go. Usually when I talk to God, throughout the day, it tends to be about me, or things going on in my life... but lately, there's been so much going on in this world, that it's almost been overwhelming thinking about all the things I should be talking to Him about. This world has a lot of hurt and devastation happening right now... death, sickness and natural disasters are everywhere.
Tonight, God, I want to ask you to bring peace, comfort and strength to everyone who have been effected by the tornado in Oklahoma. I want to ask that you keep a hand on the first responder's that have been out there since it happened, and that you hug those that are hurting. I want to ask again that you bring peace, closure and clarity to the Sobiech family, who lost Zach yesterday.
I have people that are close to me in my life that are sick, or hurting, or need some extra love... (I don't want to put their personal information on my blog, that's not my place), but You know who they are. Please, bless them with what they need.
I have had an overwhelming feeling lately to be constantly thanking God for all of the blessings in my life. Sometimes I get upset when I feel like I'm not doing enough, or not making enough money, or that things aren't happening fast enough for me. I have to remind myself that my cup is over flowing with the blessings I have in my life. I know that God has a very specific plan for me, He's revealed it to me. I know what I'm supposed to be doing... He has been preparing my heart, I can feel it. I also know that God is tricky, and when He asks you to be patient, BOY are you going to be challenged to be patient. I just need to rely on my faith and the love I know God has for me. He is a powerful God, that I fear. I know good things are coming soon, and when they do, all the waiting will be proven worth it, and I will be ready.
I've been thinking and debating about making myself a website for a while now...
Thinking, do I have enough of a reason to make one?
do I have enough stuff to put on a website?
should I wait til I have more "legit" work to list on it?
Then Marissa told me what one of her friends she's worked with had told her,
"If I can't Google you, you don't matter."
I WANT TO MATTER!
Now, I'm still figuring out how to make it so this site pops up when you Google my name (anyone know how that works??), but it's in the works.
Either way, I decided I wanted to make myself an official website with the credentials I have thus far and will change said information as things change! So for now, here is my website!
(It will be ever changing to match my life). Let me know what you think!
I saw this video on my Facebook news feed and I knew right away it would make me cry. After having watched it, and knowing that this amazing man just passed away yesterday is a surreal feeling.
Technology and social media has given us a lot of things... good and bad. But when I see things like this, and get to hear stories of the amazing, courageous and brave people and families that are in this world, I'm happy that I have things like YouTube.
I can't imagine going through any of the things this family has gone through. I don't even really know how to feel after watching this... but I do know, now, that the world lost a warm and uplifting soul yesterday.
Watch these video's... they will forever change your perspective of quality of life.
Zach, you have blown me away.
Sobiech family, I am sending all my love and prayers, prayers of comfort and peace, from over here in CA.
So you see, I don't think reading is boring at all. In fact, I think it's fantastic, but for some reason, it's hard for me. I'm a super slow reader and makes me really sleepy. When I was little, I had a lot of trouble sleeping at night, I was given a ton of different suggestions from my mom and dad on how to make myself fall asleep.. one of them being to read. It worked... but the downfall to that was that now it's hard for me to read for long periods of time without needing a nap after or yawning my way through the pages. I am also a social butterfly and a TV junkie (unfortunately) so finding time to set aside and read tends to be something that slips my mind when I have free time. But this summer I want to change that. I have so many books I want to read and I just need to buckle down and read them!
Here they are (cross your fingers I get to most of them):
I want to be in love. I daydream about being with the man God has planned for me.
I watch wedding videos, engagement videos, etc. on youtube WAY too often, it's almost embarrassing (and then I go off and show them to my friends.. it's embarrassing).
I am always pinning adorable coupley things on pinterest.. all the time.
I day dream of who this guy is, and where he is.. what is he doing?
what does he look like? how will I meet him? do I already know him? These are normal things I think about..
and ya know, there are also times that the idea of having a guy around who can be my best friend and my love and who I can be girly and cute and hug and kiss all the time, that doesn't sound so bad..
but then there's this..
I really don't want to be in a relationship right now.
I have wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too many things going on!
Things are changing at rapid rates in my life right now and it's hectic and I'm having to make decisions and set goals and really figure some things out.. and I need to be selfish. I can't have someone around who will sway my decisions! (I already have friends doing that!) So my problem is.. I'm always thinking about being in a relationship.. about being in love.. but in reality, I don't want that right now! It's twisted!
I'm such a nut.
God's will will have it's way regardless (and on HIS timing).
I start my first big girl job on Monday. I know this is silly, but I'm a little worried about how I am going to adjust to the Mon-Fri, 9-6 schedule. It's going to be weird at first I think. ALSO leaving Victoria's Secret is a crazy idea for me. There are lots of things happening.
Marissa and I have started running. We are both trying to get in shape but let me tell you this girl is having to drag me along. I love hate running. If I was good at it I'd like it but it's never been easy for me. I've been enjoying it so far but MAN I am SORE!
More things about my future (the near future at least) are starting to fall into place. I have been making plans and making things happen... one step at a time, I'll make this dream real.
Sometime I dream about... well, lots of things. Lately I've been fighting my own battle of trying to "embrace the current season of my life." By battle, I literally mean that my feelings have been going back and forth so much it's been a battle. My thoughts are so happy and know that I am doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing but then every once and a while I get frustrated and feel like I'm not doing enough and that I'm not working hard enough... right now it's the later. *big sigh*
Sometimes I dream about falling in love. Lately I've been thinking a lot about love. Two of my closest friends are married, and it just feels like everyone is getting engaged, married or pregnant. (If only you could see what my news feed on Facebook looks like, it's overwhelming). I've been wondering when my time will come... wondering if every guy I encounter could be him, (this is a real annoyance, I can't help it), and really just who this guys will be. I have also realized that I don't really know how to let someone love me so i'm going to need let that happen.. just thoughts.
Sometimes I dream about my future. What am I really going to end up doing?! Am I really going to work my ass off, move to New York, audition and do theatre PROFESSIONALLY and as my CAREER?? I need this to happen. I want it more than anything..
and yet,
sometimes I dream about having a family. I've always know that my #1 thing in life that I want is to fall in love, get married and have a family.. and up until a few years ago, I always thought it would happen young. That I would get married young and start a family young like my parents did, but as I've gotten older it has made more sense for that to happen later for me. I don't know when though.. when I think about going to NY and doing this thing, I can't think of when or how I would eventually add a husband and then kids to the mix of things.. so I don't know what's going to happen... it's all on God's timing anyway.
ok guys! i haven't been able to post much lately, things are a little crazy.. but i'm a part of an amazing show right now, can you guess what it is? it runs every Thur-Sun until March 3rd! go to www.pacrep.org for tickets! hope to see you there! here's some pictures to get you excited!..
Elle and Warner, "Serious."
Grandmaster Chad and Elle, "What You Want (Part 1)."
Serena (me), Admissions Officer, Elle and Pilar, "What You Want (Part 2)."
The girls of Delta Nu/Greek Chorus, "Positive!"
Elle and Emmitt, "Chip on my Shoulder."
Brooke Windham, "Whipped Into Shape."
Warner, Vivienne and Emmitt, "Whipped Into Shape."
ok... i never watch new movies. they freak me out, i can't handle not knowing what's going to happen... and today for some reason i was drawn to watching "Friends with Benefits." i just took out of the plastic today, and it's all about NEW YORK! the whole beginning is Mila Kunis' character trying to convince Justin Timberlake's character to move to New York. There's a huge flash mob scene that happens in Times Square and it's brilliant... I'm taking this movie as another sign... I swear.. I need to move to New York as soon as I can... I'm off to research.
