Summer Loves and Lows

Lows...

Being in summer school.

Not having enough time (or money) to do it all.

Not being able to be in two places at once (I had to miss my best friends bridal shower).

Not having a job (and not having enough time to get one).

Disappointing people I love... and myself.
(I started with the lows because it's always good to end on a positive note.)

Loves...

Being tan.

Finally having long hair.

Flip-flop tan lines.

Sleeping in.

Lots of music.

Going on trips! (Palm Springs, Home, San Clemente).

Seeing family.

Long nights and long talks with good friends.

first bachelorette weekend (ever)!

 in about an hour I will be heading to Palm Springs for the weekend with these 2 ladies (plus 3 more) for my little Amanda's bachelorette weekend! I am way too excited! 

These girls are my world. These last few years wouldn't have happened without them and I cannot wait to be wearing another matching outfit (oh, recruitment) with my beautiful roommate as we stand behind this amazing woman on her wedding day. 

Yeah for vacations! = ]

Happy Weekend!

dance.

Tonight after class, my sorority sister and I are going to go to an amazing space; it's an empty room in the gym on campus... a room that is usually used for spin classes, yoga classes, kick-boxing, etc... but tonight it will be used for dance. It's an empty room with a wood floor, a wall of mirrors, and a bar... 

This sister of mine is a brilliant ballerina and we have been talking about getting together and just 

dancing, moving, being.

We are going to play and hopefully come up with some choreography to "You Found Me" by the Fray... I cannot wait. I want need to move my body. My soul misses needs it. Needless to say, we are going to try and make this a regular thing and I could not be happier.  

("You Found Me" by the Fray)

a few random thoughts.

Today is a new day (like every other "today").

You know you're getting ready to be a cheer coach when you run around through out your day trying to think up 8 counts in your head. (I am way too excited for football season). 

When your default "wardrobe" is yoga pants and some sort of Greek life t-shirt... it may be time for an update. 

(If I want to be cozy... skinny jeans, and this on top would be better than what I wear now!)

I am constantly thinking about how as soon as I move home in the fall I will be working out (at my wonderful home gym) and having cheer practice Monday-Thursday and that by Christmas I will have the body I want.

I can't wait to get back to working (as much as possible) at VS!

My parents' 25th wedding anniversary is coming up in a few days and when I asked them if it felt like 25 years, my mom said "no" and my dad said... "If you're doing it right you don't think about that stuff, so no." Such a smart man. 

This weekend I'm going to Palm Springs with 5 other girls for (the first) Amanda's bachelorette weekend! On Saturday we are going to a water park and I am so excited! I love water parks. 

I enjoy getting a friendly smile from a stranger when I walk down a hallway at school, I think everyone should be kind to passers-by, a smile can brighten someones day.

Pinterest  is really getting me excited about making some real changes to my bedroom once I move home!

I am very excited to be dancing and playing (in an empty dance room!!!) with one of my sorority sisters tonight!

Happy Thursday!

Today.

Today is a new day.

A fresh start, another chance.

Time to make things happen.

No day but to day.

Happy Wednesday!

(Andy Grammer's "You Should Know Better")

i'm sick of this shit.

(excuse my french).

whether it seems like it or not, 

I feel like my life is in shambles. 

I don't know how to handle money,

I spend what I don't have and don't know how to save.

I'm really really really struggling, and it has to stop.

 I need to spend money like I'm broke (because I am very broke), and save money (every penny) like I'm unemployed (since I am). I need to repay the debts I owe and get it together because I am SICK of this.

I feel like I am out of control.

and I HATE my body and my diet. I hate how I feel in my body and I hate the way it looks. I hate that I don't have a job and I don't have money and I don't seem to have any self control, which I'm sure is stemming from the fact that I feel so out of control. I need to grow up. Now, today. Not tomorrow. Now.

I'm sick of this shit.

(Sorry about the negative, down-on-myself attitude, but this needed to get out... and this is how it feels.)

diet attempt # (idk) 2.. (maybe 3)?

remember this? or this? or this?

last spring I was determined to lose some weight, and I did... for a bit.

and I also, as a New Years resolution, said again, that I would get more exercise

and lose weight (and keep it off)... well, let's just say I'm happy there is still a little more than 6 months left in 2012. It is officially time to do this.

So, here's how this is going to happen...

I have given myself a strict diet 'plan.'

Here it is:

- no carbs after 11am

- fruits, veggies, lean meats (fish/chicken) only

- limited, to no, dairy

- can only drink coffee and water

- no eating after 9:30pm (bedtime by 12). 

ok, that's it.. and I am going to start off by challenging myself to do this between now and my first wedding of the summer (July 8th), and I know that's not a huge chunk of time to start off with, but I need to start somewhere. I hope to keep this as general diet guidelines for my life from now on.

I have enlisted the help of my best friend to keep me on track with this.. thank goodness for her.

as far as working out... I'm struggling to get my body moving... and until I move home in August (and can go back to my home gym Mon-Thur), I'm not really sure what I'm going to do until then... I'll keep you posted... 

I have really been struggling with this, so this is going to be a challenge... here we go...

Weekend Happy List!

I was home again this weekend for more festivities... here's a happy list, and some pictures from Casey's 21st birthday party!

1. getting to be home for the brothers' birthday! 

2. getting to celebrate Casey finally being 21!

3. getting to see lots of good friends!

4. getting to spend father's day with my father and my family.

5. getting to be in a loud house filled with people I love and make me laugh like no other.

 (me and the brothers!)

 (Casey and I toward the end of the night...)

 (at the end of the night Casey mumbled, "this couch looks good" and plopped down... don't worry, we didn't leave him there.)

 (me with my mom and my good friend from high school, Maddie!)

 (me with Maddie and some of my lovely VS co-workers!)

 (me and Devan, and old family friend.)

(in each other's lives since he was shorter than me... he's not going anywhere!)

Hope you all had a great weekend and Father's day!

a link up, a happy list, & a song.

Linking up with the bestie for a Thursday Happy List!

1. watching/discussing Peter Pan in my afternoon class.

2. driving home after class.

3. the beautiful weather we've been having.

4. today being both of my little brother's birthday's.

5. getting to be home for Father's day.

6. getting to spend time with both of my little's today.

7. celebrating a milestone (21st) birthday this weekend.

8. new flip flops.

9. tan legs.

10. listening to crooner's like this guy...

Happy 21st & 14th Birthday Brothers!!

Today is Casey Daniel and Cameron James's birthday's!!! Casey is finally 21 and Cameron is having his golden birthday, turning 14 on the 14th! I love these boy (or men? i don't know)... they are the best brothers a girl could ask for... (is it weird that i'm secretly glad i don't have sisters?)

Casey had been had his private pilot's license for almost 2 years now and just finished his first year at Embrie-Riddle Aeronautical University (after finishing at MPC) and just passed his instrument rating test; which basically means that he can fly a plane without ever looking outside it... Crazy right?! He will be returning to Daytona, Florida in the fall to finish his schooling.

Cameron just graduated from 8th grade and received 4 awards for academic achievement for his time in middle school. One was a principle award and another was for maintaining a 3.8-3.9 GPA for all three years, and I'm not sure what the other two were but... impressive right? He's going to Salinas High (the school Casey and I have bother graduated from) in the fall and I could not be more excited for the things he has ahead of him. 

I love these boys. 

Happy Birthday Brothers.

I will.

Sunday night was the 66th Tony Awards!

Being that I have the passion that I have for theatre, when I watch the Tony's, this is the only award show I can watch that squeezes my heart and makes me want to cry. I watched the entire show with my cousin, talking to her about how I will be there one day... day-dreaming about how one day I will have the words "Tony Award Nominee" or "Tony Award Winner" attached to my name.. whether it be for a play or a musical.. for a featured actress or a lead role.

 I periodically talk to my good friend Mike (a working actor in LA that once did a show with, he kind of adopted me and I really look up to) when I need advice or encouragement on this subject. I asked him on Sunday night if it was too late for me? (I've been conditioned by the Britney's and the Justin's of my generation to think that if I haven't made it by age 15, it's too late) His response... this secret, "in our industry, doing this thing called theatre, it's never too late." 

My plan? Not exactly sure... except, I know my passion, I know my abilities and capabilities, and I know what I want. I will do what I need to do to make it, and I will. Maybe i'll move to New York? ; )

Here was the hilarious (and very true) opening host number by Neil Patrick Harris!

my slightly crazy weekend at home (I wouldn't expect anything less).

On Tuesday night when I got out of class my little sis, Amanda and I ventured to her home in Arroyo Grande. Wednesday consisted of a (3 hour) meeting with her DJ for her wedding, and her final dress fitting (it's getting close!) and then me driving the last 2 hours it takes me to get home from there. 

Wednesday night was some good family time, complete with UNO Attack and tequila shots (my mom's idea!), 

Thursday was my tiny (or not so tiny) brother's 8th grade graduation, followed by family dinner at Olive Garden, then I went out with some friends in Monterey! 

Friday was a mellow day complete with laundry, a relaxing bath and dinner out at my favorite hometown pizza place Angelina's.

Saturday was my first in-person cheer coaching meeting (getting excited for fall!), then the family headed off to San Jose to watch tiny brother play some crazy good baseball games and CASEY (other little brother) got back from Florida and is now home for the summer!

Sunday was a little scary, my mom got a tear in her retina and had to have laser surgery on the spot to fix it, then we sat and watch "Joyful Noise" (a fun, light-hearted, musical with Queen Latifa and Dolly Parton... and Jeremy Jordon) and finished the night with a family BBQ, complete with my grandparents and my mom's uncle and his wife!

and Monday got a little crazy... my computer seems to have a virus that I'm trying to get wiped out (Best Buy wanted to charge me $200), and I took my car in to get a few things looked at and found out I have cracks in my front brakes and my back pistons are leaking....

based on this news, and also finding out it wouldn't be done for a few days, I thought I would be stuck home for another day or two (and would have to miss my summer school classes) and later, after thinking about it a little more, mom decided it'd be best if I just took her car... so at 9:40pm.. I headed out on the 4 and a half hour drive back to school so I could make it to my 9am class... I got home around 2am (OY!)

Aside from the craziness of all this, I was able to spend some good time with the bestie, playing pool, drinking beer, getting lunch and catching up (in no particular order) and I got to hear all about her wedding that is also quickly approaching! 

 (family UNO/tequila shots)

 (Cameron and I all set for his 8th grade graduation.... yes, he's taller than me)

 (home.)

 (Cameron, Mele (my cousin) and I after Cam's graduation)

 (all 3 back together!)

(yummy lunch with the bestie)

*big sigh*

Happy Tuesday!

a Tuesday happy list & a promise.

(my little lettuce growing town)

today I had both of my classes and after class I am heading on an adventure. 

here's a happy list for the day...

1. going to Pismo Beach with my Little, Amanda, tonight.

2. going home tomorrow (for 4 days)!

3. having some mellow time between classes with Mae.

4. knowing i'm going to get to spend some time in the beautiful Monterey in the next few days.

5. getting a phone call from my manager at Victoria's Secret in Monterey asking me when I will be coming back! (it feels good to be a valued employee).

6. getting to be home for tiny brother's (or the not so tiny Cameron's) 8th grade graduation.

 (the beautiful Monterey)

and here's my promise. I've come to realize lately that Kim Kardashian and I have a similar body type (lots of woman curves) but she is still able to have toned arms and a flat stomach...

so... with her body type as an inspiration I promise to give myself the body I've always wanted (diet and getting my butt moving) as soon as possible so that I can frolic around in a bathing suit and love my body (because bathing suits aren't exactly my friend right now). I promise.

That is all.

Happy Tuesday. 

{disclaimer: this may come off a little jumbled}

Since graduation and having a little bit of time off (and I mean real time off, like going days without having anything I'm needing to do), I've been getting a lot of good thinking time in. I've been thinking about what just happened in my life, I've been thinking about the heavy "now what?" or "what's next?" question, and the question I've been becoming more sure of, "who am I?" 

Another thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is relationships. I have two amazing woman that are very close to me that will be heading down the aisle this summer (one in July and one in August) and it's coming up quick! I am so happy for both of them. Through them, and talking to my roommate a lot about all this, I've come to the conclusion...

I'm not ready.

I'm not ready for a relationship. I don't even really want one. (Granted, I know he will show up in my life when God wants him to regardless of my plan). But I'm excited for that time, whenever that may be. I look forward to it, I really do. I have a picture in my mind of what it will look like, the relationship that is, I have no idea about the guy! But for now, I am far too content being single. 

I love the things that are happening for me! I'm learning who I am, and who I want to be, and what I'm going to do to make that person real. 

Talking with my roommate as much as I have has really changed how I think about dating. She has taught me so much. She is really the person who has made me realize how great it is to be single and free. She's always looking out for me, I really appreciate her. 

(this song is from the season finale of "Glee" from this week; from this song I obtained the quote, "I gotta have roots, before branches. To know who I am, before I know who I want to be." I love it so much.)

That is all.