letters.

Dear Maegan, 

Thank you for coming to see me this weekend. I needed that.

Dear weekend,

I'm really happy I was able to have you off from work.

Dear San Francisco,

You are fantastic. It was so great to show you to Maegan for the first time... living in (or around) your city is a definite goal for the near future. 

Dear Camila,

I loved that I was able to visit you this weekend. You are beautiful and strong and I am praying every day for fast healing and recovery of your body! (Can't wait for us to be able to get back to some shenanigans). 

Dear toe,

I know I hurt you really bad at work... but I would really like you to heal so I can put you back in a shoe and start running again. 

Dear competition choreography,

You are proving yourself to be a tad more difficult than I thought you would be... ok, who am I kidding.. I knew this was going to be a challenge! (but I'm enjoying trying to figure it all out).

Dear apartment (Box 2.0),

Boy do I miss you... 

and the space (my own space) that you gave me... I need that back.

That is all... for now.

XXOO

*deep breath*

I don't really know how much or what I really want to say about this...

but I'm moving home from LA this week and I'm actually a little devastated. 

The biggest thing... the thing that's kept me near tears all week is the fact that I'm moving away from Maegan, and won't be living with her anymore. This girl is my sister.. my other-half, my partner-in-crime.. I'm her biggest fan... I love this girl so much. I don't think I can say much else... except I could not have been blessed with a better roommate.. and if I could... I'd probably live with her for another good 10 years or so.. *big sigh* *deep breath*... this is going to be really hard. 

July 3rd/Independence Day, 2012

Tuesday night was my 4th of July.

I went with Maegan to her hometown of Moorpark for their annual 3rd of July celebration!

I don't know why they do it this way, but for years and years (or so I'm told) those Moorpark(ians) take over a huge park in town and all celebrate, eat, play and watch fireworks together. It was a sweet time. I liked it.

As for July 4th... I had homework to catch up on, so it was just me, drinking some beer, doing my homework and watching "Sweet Home Alabama." It was actually a nice night.

Is is seriously the 5th of July already??

(I am 23 in 25 days!)

(Wedding time starts tomorrow!!)

in 27 days...

I turn 23!

I don't know why I feel like 23 is so much older than 22...

maybe it's because the first 2 years of my 20's (holy crap did I just say that?) went by so fast?

My 21st birthday feels like ages ago...

(Amanda and I on our Vegas trip with my parents).

when I was turning 21, I had just had one life-saving semester as a new member of Delta Zeta, I was in a run of "RENT," Amanda wasn't even engaged yet, and I hadn't even met Maegan yet!

On my 22nd birthday, I was dating Thomas and I went with him to a crazy, nice dinner in Pebble Beach...

(again, this feels like forever ago!)

since I've been 22... I have gained a sister in the form of a roommate, my best friend has gotten engaged, I have decided what I want to do with my life, I graduated college, and this summer I am in 2 weddings for 2 amazing friends (ONEISTHISWEEKEND!!!), and my time in Northridge is very quickly coming to an end!...

So with the thought of 23 quickly approaching, I think of the things ahead of me...

I am going to:

move home

watch my best friend get married

start to substitute teaching

coach a fabulous cheer squad in the fall

start working on making my dream a reality

and I plan to work out and diet so I...

(notice the #?...this will happen very soon).

strange and exciting things lay ahead of me...

this will be a good age.

Happy Tuesday!

(5 days until Amanda and John's wedding!!)

Today.

Today is a new day.

A fresh start, another chance.

Time to make things happen.

No day but to day.

Happy Wednesday!

(Andy Grammer's "You Should Know Better")

a link up, a happy list, & a song.

Linking up with the bestie for a Thursday Happy List!

1. watching/discussing Peter Pan in my afternoon class.

2. driving home after class.

3. the beautiful weather we've been having.

4. today being both of my little brother's birthday's.

5. getting to be home for Father's day.

6. getting to spend time with both of my little's today.

7. celebrating a milestone (21st) birthday this weekend.

8. new flip flops.

9. tan legs.

10. listening to crooner's like this guy...

{disclaimer: this may come off a little jumbled}

Since graduation and having a little bit of time off (and I mean real time off, like going days without having anything I'm needing to do), I've been getting a lot of good thinking time in. I've been thinking about what just happened in my life, I've been thinking about the heavy "now what?" or "what's next?" question, and the question I've been becoming more sure of, "who am I?" 

Another thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is relationships. I have two amazing woman that are very close to me that will be heading down the aisle this summer (one in July and one in August) and it's coming up quick! I am so happy for both of them. Through them, and talking to my roommate a lot about all this, I've come to the conclusion...

I'm not ready.

I'm not ready for a relationship. I don't even really want one. (Granted, I know he will show up in my life when God wants him to regardless of my plan). But I'm excited for that time, whenever that may be. I look forward to it, I really do. I have a picture in my mind of what it will look like, the relationship that is, I have no idea about the guy! But for now, I am far too content being single. 

I love the things that are happening for me! I'm learning who I am, and who I want to be, and what I'm going to do to make that person real. 

Talking with my roommate as much as I have has really changed how I think about dating. She has taught me so much. She is really the person who has made me realize how great it is to be single and free. She's always looking out for me, I really appreciate her. 

(this song is from the season finale of "Glee" from this week; from this song I obtained the quote, "I gotta have roots, before branches. To know who I am, before I know who I want to be." I love it so much.)

That is all. 

Off to a good start..

Today is my first day of summer school classes (I'm taking two), and this professor is already proving himself to be a good time. 

At the start of class he dramatically opens and walks through the door before flashing a smile to the class (he's clearly gay), he then pulls out his computer and does a dramatic reading of "Introduction to Poetry" by Billy Collins before putting on some early house music.. 

about halfway through the song he turns it down and pulls up the syllabus to go over as a class.

This is his course description (copied right from the syllabus):

The Madness: What if existence is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to contemplate? What if the story of life has no clear beginning, middle, and end—no narrative arc? What if, instead, that story percolates out of a roiling cauldron of chaos? Perhaps, then, fiction and science are not separate enterprises but twin disciplines, conjoined by theories and probabilities instead of rules and resolutions. In that case, the writing workshop must be a laboratory of ceaseless experimentation where anything is possible and nothing is permitted. If you’re ready to embrace the paradox within that statement, then you’re ready for all the ambiguity inherent in English 408. First item in the Petri dish: must fiction make “sense” in order to create “meaning?”

I'm excited for this next 6 weeks.

Happy Summer!

what happened?

I graduated. College! What?!

(I have way too much going through my head about all this right now... I'll go into more detail later)

This is a really really REALLY weird feeling... but I'm proud of myself.

I don't want tomorrow to happen.

Tomorrow is the marathon of final directing scenes. 

All of our scenes are going up in one day (it takes about 45min. per person),

so we are having class during the day and into the evening...

(I'm in 2 scenes and my scene goes up last)

and when it's all over, it will be over. 

I don't want tomorrow to happen. 

ya.. somethin like that..

"There's a boy I know..."

Let's just say I've had my eye on the same boy for most of this year...

and I'm nearing the point of not being able to not tell him...

I think I need to say something. 

diving in face first.

This semester has been absolutely insane. 

I've been juggling 4 English classes and a directing class.  

This directing class is what has really taken over my semester, it's been my main focus and has taken up most of my spare time. It's been a once a week FRIDAY class, from 11-4 (seems really long right? I wouldn't change it for anything).

This class already requires a lot from you; each (advanced) director (it's a combo class of beginning and advanced) had to direct an "exercise" scene, meaning "action," "rhythm," or "picturization" (we got to choose which), a contemporary scene, a Chekhov scene (if you don't know who this is, well, he's difficult), and a final scene... and this isn't including the peer reviews and show reviews we were required to write (which also meant we had to see the shows!), and we are also required to act in 3 different scenes. 

Man I felt a little overwhelmed just trying to list all that!

It's a very needy class, but I have to say, I think it's been my favorite class of my college career. 

 This class has pushed me, moved me, thrilled me, inspired me and made me. 

This class is what solidified my decision to follow my passion and go into this industry.

Since the beginning of the semester I kind of dove in face first and was in every scene anyone asked me to be in. I wanted to do as much as I could. There were a few weeks where I had multiple projects going up at once and it was very hectic. 

From what I can remember off the top of my head I  

directed an "action scene" with my friend Anthony,

went up in a very last minute contemporary scene for my friend Alex,

was a lion in my friend Kathy's action scene,

struggled with quick transitions in an original "action" scene written by my friend Jessica, 

played with rhythm and beats in "Sure Thing" by David Ives,

got to be a little silly (and eat a whole cucumber) in "Cherry Orchard," am still working on "Uncle Vanya" by Chekhov...

(stay with me, there's more)

I filmed 2 scenes for a CTVA class, one from "American Beauty" and the other was from the TV show "Greek"...

last week I got to tap into my inner bitch in "Fat Pig" by LaBute,

I'm a psychiatrist "Juvie" by McDonough,

and a "wet blacket" in "Hooters" by Tally...

(phew.. still following? I told you it was nuts)

and FINALLY I've directed "Autobahn" by LaBute, "Three Sisters" by Chekhov 

and my final scene "How I Learned to Drive." 

(Just to throw it out there, I wanted to document this so that I can remember for myself, and to share).

It's been absolutely insane, but amazingly beautiful.

My professor, Larry Biederman, has given me so much. I can't really explain it, but just by running this class and making it what it has been, I am eternally grateful. I have such a respect for him. 

This class has changed me. 

As it's end has been quickly approaching, my heart has been slowly breaking. 

I don't want this to end. 

can I make the next 20 days last for a semester?

I am really struggling with the fact that Maegan and I are graduating in 20 (well I guess now, 19) days...

(more on this later)

but I really want to cry. I have an excitement but more of a deep deep sadness that this time in my life is coming to an end. These last 3 years turned into so much more than I could have ever asked for. 

I have been so blessed.

(and, more on all this later)

but I really am upset.

I want to go back and do it all again.

This song from "Glee" (yes I am aware how cheesy this is) has really been feeling appropriate for how I feel about this time in my life before graduation, so it's kinda been on repeat with me...

"Here's to us, here's to love, all the times we messed up.

Here's to you fill the glass,

cuz the last few years have gone to fast.

So let's give 'em hell, wish everybody well,

here's to us, here's to us..."

Maegan and I also had our Delta Zeta Senior Send-Off on Monday night (again, more on this later) so we are now both officially alums. We both read letters to the chapter, attempted to say goodbyes, and cried. It was heart-wrenching.

Thankfully we are going to Palm Springs this weekend for a SAE Formal (Sigma Alpha Epsilon), so that will be a good long party!

(more to come on all this later, but for now, I need some shut eye).

that cliche "another chapter coming to an end" feeling...

(Pictures in no particular order). I can't believe that this time in my life is actually coming to an end and happening all at the same time... I can't believe my college experience is ending and that I will be moving forward into the real world... I don't think I ever thought this time would actually happen. It's a really strange feeling. 

 The experiences I've had and the friends I've made, I wouldn't trade for anything. I love that for this last year we have lived only two doors down from our good friends Keifer and Kinkaid. (below is Keifer and I, we love each other). 

 Tonight I have to write my farewell letter to the chapter and I have no idea what I'm going to say or where I would even start. This has been a huge part of my college experience since I moved down to Northridge. I honestly don't know what I would have done if I hadn't rushed... I wouldn't have met Maegan, or my littles Amanda and Justine, or any of my other amazing sisters and all the awesome guys I've met through the Greek System. I honestly cannot image my time here without them. 

 Gail has been a another huge part of my life here. She is a sorority sister, a fellow theatre "major" (except she actually is a major), and an amazing friend. 

 (Maegan and I circa Spring 2011) 

 (Me and my "Alpha" Littles, Amanda and Melissa circa Fall 2010)

 (This is the first picture Maegan and I ever took together, I cannot even believe how different we look, it's insane... this feels like it was 5 years ago, and only 2 months ago all at once... man time flies)

When I first moved here to go to school I never in a million years would have thought that I would end up falling in love with it. That entire first year living in the dorms was torture. The second semester was better after I got dumped and decided to rush. Than the next fall living in the DZ house with Maegan was where college really felt like it started. 

Which is why sometimes I feel a little cheated of my time here... because I only really had 2 real years of what really felt like what college was supposed to feel like. I also haven't been in a show in all my time here. The parts just haven't been 100% right for me, I've auditioned and gotten called back but the part has gone to the better suited girl, and that's okay! That's what happens in theatre, so I understand, it just would have been nice, and I've been itching to get back on stage. It's been a really long 2 years since "RENT." (This is also why I have taken it upon myself to be in as many in-class scenes as I possibly can via the directing class, because I need to be acting). 

I already feel like this song from "Avenue Q," "I wish I could go back to college," and I haven't even graduated. I just want to make this last few weeks stretch on longer... I do not want my directing class to be over, I love being with those people and our professor and just watching and working through scene after scene and talking about them and acting in as many as I have, and learning as much as I have, this class has been by far one of my favorite classes I've ever taken at CSUN. 

I'm not ready to be done.

last DZ formal

My last DZ formal was last weekend. 

It was a blast. 

Maegan and I got all dressed up together, drank together and danced together.

I can't believe my time with DZ is almost over, and that it even went by this fast!

 I have my 2 amazing littles; Amanda and Justine. (this is Justine.)

 At my first formal, as a new member, I was voted "DZ to be."

 and I went with my friend Dustin.

 This year I took my friend Jared. 

Do you think I look different almost 3 years later?

More on DZ later. (the end is nearing).

Hope you all had a good weekend!

it must be my last semester of college... maybe

I know it has been far too long since I've blogged but things have been insane and there has been so much going on that I haven't even been able to think of a way to condense what I've been doing into blog posts.. Here are some "maybe's" of the crazy world that has been my life lately..

Maybe I've been going to all my classes (gasp!)

Maybe my directing class is rocking my world (i've already directed 2 scenes and been in a few and just got cast in 2 more with another one of my own on the way)

Maybe I've been watching an adorable little boy every Wednesday for a little extra cash

Maybe I've been spending quite a bit of time with some good friends with the breaks of time I have

Maybe the idea of being done with college in less than 4 moths is freaking me out and making me really sad all at once

Maybe I will have seen the on campus show Life is a Dream a total of 3 times by the end of it's run (more to come on this later)

Maybe I've been trying to stay on top of or ahead (or at least on schedule) with all my writing I have to do this semester

Maybe I cried to Maegan last night about the passion I have for theatre and how it kills me everyday that it's not my major

Maybe I'm a little overwhelmed but my heart is so full I don't want this time in my life to end..

a Thursday evening "Happy List"

This semester has already been crazy. I have 5 classes... and a ton of stuff to take care of. Spring recruitment for Delta Zeta has been going on this week. Things have just been nuts. So I decided to do an almost weekend happy list!

1. long talks with new friends!

2. watching little ones (I gained 2 babysitting gigs in the last week).

3. country music.

4. Theatre. Theatre. Theatre. 

5. knowing graduation in only a little over 3 months away..

6. holding on to every moment I have until then.

7. daydreaming about the near feature.

8. pretty weather.

9. a cozy bed.

10. coffee. coffee. coffee.

yes I know..

I know I am 12 days behind on my Psalm a day, and no I didn't forget about it, I've been thinking about it every day, but in these past 12 days I had to finish an online class, pack up and move back to school, and start this semester of school (where I am having to fight to get classes). I haven't even had time to post any of the blogs I'm wanting to post about the second half of my Christmas break.

Today was my first day of school, and struggling to try and add 2 more classes is proving itself to be a really frustrating thing. I just want to be in all the classes I need, for everything to be set in stone for graduation, and that I would know what is going to happen with the class I need over summer... OY!!! I just want to  

I promise that as soon as I get things organized I will catch up on my Psalms.