a few lists.

I'm greatful for...

-fall. (football, scarfs, boots, rain).

-the fact that i am able to go to work at a job that i know and love with people that i love. 

-being able to choreograph and teach 13 wonderful little girls as their cheer coach.

-the wonderful, amazing, beautiful, generous friends and people i have in my life (no matter how far away we live from each other). 

-the excitement i have inside my heart to be starting work on a new musical project, October 1st. 

-my good friend Camila, this sweet lady spent 45 days in the hospital figuring out a problem with some leukemia, and yesterday she was released from the hospital! 

-the awareness i gained today of what we, as wealthy Americans and Christians, can be doing to help 'the poorest of the poor' gain healing and jobs in other countries (and got some really cute stuff in the process). 

I'm bumming because...

-i don't live with my sister anymore (i know it's been 2 months... but i'm still bitter about it).

-i don't have my own space. I know how lucky i am to be living rent-free.. but i'm anxious (and trying to be patient while waiting) for that time when i can journey off on my own, hopefully to San Francisco ;) , living my life. 

-i feel like i am no longer surrounded by the strong, close friends i was surrounded by at school. i mean, shoot, maegan and i lived together and Keifer was just 3 doors down.. and i had all my Greek system friends, and theatre people! i was truly surrounded, and it was fabulous... and i don't feel like i have that here. 

I'm praying for...

-peace. lately i've been struggling with this. i've been having some mood swing issues and i've been pretty irritable and i don't like it at all. i can tell when i'm doing it and i don't like it. 

-guidance. i need God to show me my next step and show me what he is doing with me in my 'waiting.' 

-healing and acceptance. i have not been doing well with accepting all of the changes that have been happening in my life (not living with Maegan, therefore living at home, Amanda getting married and moving.. Camila getting sick)... 

-my husband. i have no idea who this man is... i don't know if i know him, or not.. i have no idea when he will come into my life or what he will even look life.. but i know that God has been preparing him for me and me for him, our whole lives.. i pray for the time that he will come into my life and change it forever. i am extremely exciting for this. 

thought upon thoughts.

keep peace..

xxoo

letters.

Dear Maegan, 

Thank you for coming to see me this weekend. I needed that.

Dear weekend,

I'm really happy I was able to have you off from work.

Dear San Francisco,

You are fantastic. It was so great to show you to Maegan for the first time... living in (or around) your city is a definite goal for the near future. 

Dear Camila,

I loved that I was able to visit you this weekend. You are beautiful and strong and I am praying every day for fast healing and recovery of your body! (Can't wait for us to be able to get back to some shenanigans). 

Dear toe,

I know I hurt you really bad at work... but I would really like you to heal so I can put you back in a shoe and start running again. 

Dear competition choreography,

You are proving yourself to be a tad more difficult than I thought you would be... ok, who am I kidding.. I knew this was going to be a challenge! (but I'm enjoying trying to figure it all out).

Dear apartment (Box 2.0),

Boy do I miss you... 

and the space (my own space) that you gave me... I need that back.

That is all... for now.

XXOO

Weekend Happy List!

I was home again this weekend for more festivities... here's a happy list, and some pictures from Casey's 21st birthday party!

1. getting to be home for the brothers' birthday! 

2. getting to celebrate Casey finally being 21!

3. getting to see lots of good friends!

4. getting to spend father's day with my father and my family.

5. getting to be in a loud house filled with people I love and make me laugh like no other.

 (me and the brothers!)

 (Casey and I toward the end of the night...)

 (at the end of the night Casey mumbled, "this couch looks good" and plopped down... don't worry, we didn't leave him there.)

 (me with my mom and my good friend from high school, Maddie!)

 (me with Maddie and some of my lovely VS co-workers!)

 (me and Devan, and old family friend.)

(in each other's lives since he was shorter than me... he's not going anywhere!)

Hope you all had a great weekend and Father's day!

my slightly crazy weekend at home (I wouldn't expect anything less).

On Tuesday night when I got out of class my little sis, Amanda and I ventured to her home in Arroyo Grande. Wednesday consisted of a (3 hour) meeting with her DJ for her wedding, and her final dress fitting (it's getting close!) and then me driving the last 2 hours it takes me to get home from there. 

Wednesday night was some good family time, complete with UNO Attack and tequila shots (my mom's idea!), 

Thursday was my tiny (or not so tiny) brother's 8th grade graduation, followed by family dinner at Olive Garden, then I went out with some friends in Monterey! 

Friday was a mellow day complete with laundry, a relaxing bath and dinner out at my favorite hometown pizza place Angelina's.

Saturday was my first in-person cheer coaching meeting (getting excited for fall!), then the family headed off to San Jose to watch tiny brother play some crazy good baseball games and CASEY (other little brother) got back from Florida and is now home for the summer!

Sunday was a little scary, my mom got a tear in her retina and had to have laser surgery on the spot to fix it, then we sat and watch "Joyful Noise" (a fun, light-hearted, musical with Queen Latifa and Dolly Parton... and Jeremy Jordon) and finished the night with a family BBQ, complete with my grandparents and my mom's uncle and his wife!

and Monday got a little crazy... my computer seems to have a virus that I'm trying to get wiped out (Best Buy wanted to charge me $200), and I took my car in to get a few things looked at and found out I have cracks in my front brakes and my back pistons are leaking....

based on this news, and also finding out it wouldn't be done for a few days, I thought I would be stuck home for another day or two (and would have to miss my summer school classes) and later, after thinking about it a little more, mom decided it'd be best if I just took her car... so at 9:40pm.. I headed out on the 4 and a half hour drive back to school so I could make it to my 9am class... I got home around 2am (OY!)

Aside from the craziness of all this, I was able to spend some good time with the bestie, playing pool, drinking beer, getting lunch and catching up (in no particular order) and I got to hear all about her wedding that is also quickly approaching! 

 (family UNO/tequila shots)

 (Cameron and I all set for his 8th grade graduation.... yes, he's taller than me)

 (home.)

 (Cameron, Mele (my cousin) and I after Cam's graduation)

 (all 3 back together!)

(yummy lunch with the bestie)

*big sigh*

Happy Tuesday!

a "mellow" Friday night.

Tonight after I got off of my 1-5 shift at Victoria's Secret I made my way over to a good friend of the families house to babysit for the night! I have known this couple since they were just married, and i've known their kids since they were still in their momma's belly! They are now 9 and 7 and I have been babysitting them for years.

When I arrived I was told we would be having mac & cheese for dinner, which I'm totally fine with, and I was served water in a glass that made me so happy! In recent years I have fallen in love with the idea of using old jars as glasses, so when I saw we would be drinking our water out of these jars, I was very happy!


After dinner I painted my nails this pretty purple, with the supervision of Boston (the 9 year-old).

While my hands were drying Boston asked if she could add some detail to my already painted toes, so I said, sure why not.. she she added "zebra" stripes to my toes.

Finished product!

While all of this was going on we watched "High School Musical 3"! I was very excited about this decision.. although we didn't get to finish it, the dvd was a little scratched.

And just now, mid blog, (i took a break), I got a massage from Lucas (the 7 year-old)! He offered to demonstrate (for FREE) his mad massaging skills! I told him that he should do this professionally in a spa and he said when he was older he'll "give it a shot." Too cute.

I'll probably be here pretty late (i'll probably crash on the couch before their parents get back), then in the morning at around 7am i'm heading to the lake with the boy and his family for the weekend. (a much needed relaxing time after a verrry long week). = ]

Goes along with growing up

Right now I feel a little bit like this picture. Like i'm standing there watching my life in front of me and it's in a little bit of a blur. (Or at least that's how it looks inside my head).

Most of what's going on in my life makes a lot of sense.. I'm home for the summer, working two jobs, hanging out with the boy and friends in my free time, etc. What is a blur is the war that is constantly being fought inside my head in regards to growing up, fighting (and working) towards my independence and battling with the fact that based on my income level and that I still have a year left of school... being completley independent isn't exactly an option.

My whole life I've been a very stubborn girl. One who wants to play by all her own rules, do whatever she wants whenever she wants, and if someone tells me to do something that I don't want to do.. chances are, if I can get away with it, I wont do it. Now i'm not saying that this is a good thing at all, it is actually something that I very much need to work on, and as I get older, compromise is proving itself to be something that I need to work on more and more.

And here's the other issue.. my free spririt. The free spirit inside me that wants to just roll with the punches, live in the moment and have a very No Day But Today attitude, has kinda been getting my in trouble in terms of the responsibility that I need to be recognizing as I'm growing into an adult.

This last semester I kind of screwed up a little in 2 major ways, with school and with parking/car issues. About a week after the add/drop period had ended was also about the exact time that I decided I was going to be changing my major in the fall. It was a little bit of a process figuring out what exactly I was going to change it to but it ended up working out for me to now be a Liberal Studies major with a minor in both Theatre and Creative Writing. Anyway, being that this was the new plan for school in the fall, I completley checked out in all of my classes I was enrolled in for the semester because I now knew that, with the exception of my GPA, I didn't need these classes to graduate. Long story short, I got awful grades and have decided to take it upon myself to pay for my schooling now because I don't think it's fair for them to be paying for it, based on how I did this last semester... The other issue, was with parking/car stuff. Now when I first moved into my apartment I was given the option to pay for another parking spot for, I think it was, $20 extra bucks a month.. or something like that, and I didn't want to take the time (or pay the money) to do it, so I just figured I would park on the street and it wouldn't be a big deal. Let me tell you, now I am wiiiishhhhing that I would have gotten that second parking spot because now, for various reasons that I don't really wish to explaing I owe my parents money for mayyybe 10 or so parking tickets....

Long story short, I am wanting to be a completley independent woman who doesn't have to rely on her parents, but instead I am going to have to be spending my summer paying them back, and figuring out how to pay for school... this is probably one of the first times in my life that I wish I was more grown up....

Summer.... so far!

(my room...)
(my boarding passes... i was only supposed to have 4)

(Thomas and I at the lake... after flying from off the tube 22 times)

Moved home (very quickly).

Went to the lake.

Unpacked and re-packed to go to CO.

Spent the night alone in Dallas.

Had a blast in CO, once I finally got there.

Lots of time with the boy.

Got a surprise visit from Gail and Nat back here in Monterey.

Worked on getting my room (and my life) under control.

Got both jobs squared away.

and.. Started working.

It's been good so far...
but for some reason I've been super tired!

Thank goodness it's summer and I can catch up on some rest!

Days Go By..

I don't know if I've ever really done a blog "dedicated" to Amanda Noel, and when this picture (taken around freshman year of high school, I believe) surfaced on facebook yesterday, I figured now was the time!

I have known Amanda for as long as it's possible to know a person in their life... so whatever age it is that you start meeting other people your age and remembering who they are, that's how long i've known Amanda... soooooo 21 years roughly? I will be totally honest, as would she if you asked her, and say that I wasn't too fond of her when I was younger (when I was in elementary school I would say), couldn't tell you why, just wasn't.. but around middle school when I started going to youth group we started hanging out... and we have (more or less, it's a long story) been best friends ever since. This girl has been through EVERYTHING with me! Whether she was acutally there, or involved she definitely heard about everything and "talked" me through everything. This girl knows my WHOLE life. She knows my past, my present and my hopes and dreams for the future. She puts up with my crap and has accepted me for the crazy, out of control, free-spirited, (at times) irresponsible young lady I am.

She is my sister. I don't know where I would be today without her! I don't think I would have stayed in LA without her.. and I definitely wouldn't have made it anywhere near surviving my first year away from home without her. I love this girl to death. She's one of the strongest, smartest, most beautiful, Christian ladies I know. She keeps me in check and has a work ethic and maturity level that I aspire to achieve myself. I love her.

So, Amanda Noel, thank you for being around for... my whole life! I love you. I'm so excited for you! Finishing college and starting another insane chapter of your life, and i'm very excited to be right next to you for the whole thing! We're growing up and going to be doing all those crazy grown-up things and I'm so happy to experience all of them with you!! = ]]]

This isn't entirely current, but you get the idea. We've changed a lot since that first picture!

Dear Professor,

OK Mr. Professor.
This is super frustrating and not ok.

Today in my class we had a paper due and a test.
The paper was just silly... 500 words of busy work.

But the test? NOT OK.
He tells us to just study the stuff that's been posted online and that we can use the notes on the test and then you get in there, thinking your prepared(ish) and than NOTHING of what he told us to study was even on the test!

That was awful.
Probably one of the worst test I've ever taken.
Luckily, kinda, the whole class feels the same way, so at least i'm not alone in the frustration.
mrrrrrblahhhhhhhhhhughhhhhhhhh.


On a happier note.
Today after my night class I'm going to Long Beach to see Amanda Noel and her man friend!
Then tomorrow my class got canceled so I'll be home wayyy earlier than I thought and will be ready to celebrate Easter with my family and Thomas' birthday with him, which is today!
soo... Happy Birthday Thomas!!
(you're so old!!)

Happy (almost) weekend.

Tractors, Lifted Trucks & Country Music!

Spring break is coming to a close.
It has been an AMAZING 10 days.
From the girls coming here, and all the adventures that went down,
lots of good family time and just a lot of good home town fun.

I love my home town!
I drive around in my little Honda, seeing the streets covered with lifted trucks,
GMC's and the occasional tractor or 2.

I love this small town.
Surrounded by Country music,
not being able to go anywhere without knowing at least a few people,
and being able to wear your North Face and Uggs and know that
everyone will be dressed just like you.

I can't wait to be back in 2 weeks for Easter!

( ^my mom and I at one of Cam's 3 game's that I got to go to! It was FREEZING!)

( ^Cam pitching!)

( ^Thomas and I in our flannels, boots and a cowboy hat?)
Thomas is my friend from high school/junior college.
He's a water skiing, flannel wearing, lifted truck driving, country gentleman.
My brother and his younger sister are friends as well so we got to hang out on a couple different occasions during the week, than last night he took me out on a REAL date.
(Imagine that?)
He picked me up, met my dad, opened all my doors, including the car door,
took me to dinner at Supporros (a Japanese restaurant in Monterey),
mini golfing, and then we got a drink downtown.
It was a very nice night.
We shall see. = ]

I LOVE being home.

TOMS: One Day Without Shoes

TOMS ONE DAY WITHOUT SHOES!
April 5th
To raise awareness of the charity of TOMS
and the reason we do it!
Here's some pictures of us being out and about that day!

"Mom's better at dying eggs than me!!"

( ^mom's eggs! she made one for my dad! aww!)

The other night my mom and I dyed eggs!
This is something we do almost every year.
We used to do it with the whole family, but the boys have kinda pooped out.
But my mom and I still do it! = ]

I made eggs for Cam and I! = ]

My hippie tye-dyed eggs!

My mom and I! We look like we're up to no good...

Casey didn't want to participate, but he sat with us for a bit!
He looks SO entertained!

Yeah for Spring Time!!
and
EASTER!!

A Tribute to These Ladies.. and some Spring Break Adventures!

I don't even know how to start this blog.
On Friday at 2am Maegan got here from LA!
I was so excited for my roommate to finally be here so
that I could show her my amazing home town(s).
Then... at 2:30 in the afternoon on Saturday, Gail called me asking how I would feel about her and Natalie coming here!.... uhhhhhhh HELLO!! GET OVER HERE!! I was SO beyond excited for them to get here! It was going to be the two amazing two(somes) coming together to explore these amazing towns that are Monterey, Salinas and Carmel.



As our adventure began, I decided that I wanted to take these girls to a place that has always been magical to me, the Forest Theater in Carmel.

We played, and walked around all the pretty shops and walked down to the water and took a bunch of pictures up in trees! It was perfect.

I have to talk about these girls, because they have literally been my sanity in Northridge. Because I haven't been able to see Amanda as much at all this semester (and she is just my sanity, period) I was starting to go a little insane.

I don't know exactly how we all started hanging out as much as we do, but I am so greatful that we did. I have regained my sanity and have been learning so much about myself and life since I have been spending so much time with these amazing ladies.
They are all DZ's, all alumn, but I love this because this has just proven to me that being a part of this whole sorority thing has really given me real sisters!

I want to say a little bit about each of them individually...
Starting with Gail.
"Gail the Snail"... when I first met Gail I was SUPER intimidated. I knew that she was a lot older than me in the Greek system and for whatever reason, I couldn't tell you, I thought that she was SCARY and MEAN.
This was obviously before I knew her at all.
Gail is one of the best people I have ever met since I moved away to school.
She is so selfless, kind, positive and uplifting.
She makes me laugh so much and I love spending time with her.
She has given me insights on life that I never would have thought of on my own.
I love hearing her opinion on things and she has always been able to give me the best advice.
She is also one of the most talented artists I have ever met in my life.
I love Gail.
She is so smart and so pretty. = ]

Maegan.
"Maaaaaaegan! Like leggin!!"
Maegan IS my sister.
I met this girl on a complete and total chance of fait!
We met on facebook, so cliche, when we were looking for roommates at the DZ house and she was telling me that she was the "transfer from SDSU".... little did I know.
We moved in together and that was IT.
I have gone through so much with this girl and I do not know what I would do without her.
She is one of the strongest women I have ever met in my life. No matter what is going on in her life, big or small, she always respondes with such grace and beauty and I just don't know how she does it. I love her so much and I cannot imagine doing this college experience without her!

Now NATALIE.
Oh "Nat Nat the Baseball Bat!"
Natalie also came into my life on a whim. She is a very dear friend of Gail's and because of that, she has now become a very dear friend of mine.
She brings so much brightness and joy into my life.
She makes me smile and laugh so much.
Natalie is such an amazing women, she is so smart and so pretty (but really though, she is)
and has brought so many amazing, unexpected experiences into my life and I love her for it.

Long story short,
I love these girls.

I have already had an AMAZING spring break.
They are probably the only reason I'm not
COMPLETELY dreading having to go back to Northridge.

Getting excited for the rest of college... and beyond!!

Today I'm meeting with an adviser again about changing my major and I'm really excited.

I know changing my major from Journalism to English when I'm this late in the game is crazy, but I really want to do it, I really think I can do it, and I'm really looking forward to doing it.

I keep thinking about my future, and my life after college. I know I'm going to move home, and I know I'm going to be working a lot to save money to go back to school and get my teaching credentials. I don't know how all of this is going to work, but I'm excited!

I'm going to be a teacher.
I'm going to be a high school English teacher.
I'm going to be a teacher that teaches more than just my subject.
I'm going to be the teacher that teaches and inspired kids to know they can do anything they want to do. I want kids to love high school, and to love English.
Obviously, I know not everyone will love English... but I at least want them to be interested and inspired, regardless of what they are wanting to choose as a future career.
I want to help them to be as prepared as they can be for college and for their futures.



Thinking about high school English keeps making me feel like I want to read books like "Lord of the Flies," "Hamlet," and "Cannery Row."
I didn't exactly "read" these books in high school, but I studied them,
and I feel like I should really READ them now.

One book that I DID read in high school was call "Kindred." This was a book that we didn't have to read in high school, by California standards, but our teacher wanted us to.
This book is about an African-American women living in California in 1976. She is married to a white man, and through some sort of sci-fi experience, she is taken back in time to a plantation in the south in the 19th century. Time in real life is stopped while she is gone, and she could be on this plantation for 3 years, then go back to current time and have only been gone for 5 minutes. Eventually her and her husband are taken back together and because he is white and she is black, they can't be "married" so he has to pretend like he owns her so that they won't be separated. It's pretty complex, but oh my gosh, it was my favorite book I actually read in high school... I may need to think about reading it again.

My ultimate goal is to be an English teacher at my Alma Mater, Salinas High.
I'm in love with this high school, and this town and would give anything to be able to teach there.
I'm going to do whatever I can to make this happen because when I fantasize about my teaching career, this is where I picture it happening.