Right now I feel a little bit like this picture. Like i'm standing there watching my life in front of me and it's in a little bit of a blur. (Or at least that's how it looks inside my head).
Most of what's going on in my life makes a lot of sense.. I'm home for the summer, working two jobs, hanging out with the boy and friends in my free time, etc. What is a blur is the war that is constantly being fought inside my head in regards to growing up, fighting (and working) towards my independence and battling with the fact that based on my income level and that I still have a year left of school... being completley independent isn't exactly an option.
My whole life I've been a very stubborn girl. One who wants to play by all her own rules, do whatever she wants whenever she wants, and if someone tells me to do something that I don't want to do.. chances are, if I can get away with it, I wont do it. Now i'm not saying that this is a good thing at all, it is actually something that I very much need to work on, and as I get older, compromise is proving itself to be something that I need to work on more and more.
And here's the other issue.. my free spririt. The free spirit inside me that wants to just roll with the punches, live in the moment and have a very No Day But Today attitude, has kinda been getting my in trouble in terms of the responsibility that I need to be recognizing as I'm growing into an adult.
This last semester I kind of screwed up a little in 2 major ways, with school and with parking/car issues. About a week after the add/drop period had ended was also about the exact time that I decided I was going to be changing my major in the fall. It was a little bit of a process figuring out what exactly I was going to change it to but it ended up working out for me to now be a Liberal Studies major with a minor in both Theatre and Creative Writing. Anyway, being that this was the new plan for school in the fall, I completley checked out in all of my classes I was enrolled in for the semester because I now knew that, with the exception of my GPA, I didn't need these classes to graduate. Long story short, I got awful grades and have decided to take it upon myself to pay for my schooling now because I don't think it's fair for them to be paying for it, based on how I did this last semester... The other issue, was with parking/car stuff. Now when I first moved into my apartment I was given the option to pay for another parking spot for, I think it was, $20 extra bucks a month.. or something like that, and I didn't want to take the time (or pay the money) to do it, so I just figured I would park on the street and it wouldn't be a big deal. Let me tell you, now I am wiiiishhhhing that I would have gotten that second parking spot because now, for various reasons that I don't really wish to explaing I owe my parents money for mayyybe 10 or so parking tickets....
Long story short, I am wanting to be a completley independent woman who doesn't have to rely on her parents, but instead I am going to have to be spending my summer paying them back, and figuring out how to pay for school... this is probably one of the first times in my life that I wish I was more grown up....
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